Literature
Effects of the pandemic on students performance
2020 - “5 more minutes!” as Tom hollers from his bedroom to the familiar yet banal call from his mother downstairs, asking for his help to do the daily household chores. Just a few months ago, that would be Tom’s 8th hour of playing Red Dead Redemption II on his PS4, resting and relaxing, escaping from the mundane work-a-day chores awaiting him. Nowadays, the screen time dedicated to entertainment has been transformed into consecutive hours of pre-recorded lectures, as Tom desperately tries to catch up with the past week’s content, desperately tries to catch a breath of fresh air from outside his man-cave, and desperately looks forward to the chores that give him the little outdoor time he currently enjoy. The integration of technologies into academic institutions has been a steadily maturing and advancing process over the last decade, with an increasing number of tools and activities introduced to students as supplements to their studies. Due to the Covid-19 pandemic (the pandemic) of the present year, these tools have been abruptly and forcefully morphed into becoming the primary medium of learning, thereby accelerating the development and use of such technologies on a regular basis. Unsurprisingly, this sudden change in the style and format of teaching/learning has prompted significant issues. Three of the most prominent issues arising from this transition are : 1. The capabilities / inabilities of both parties (teachers and learners) to adapt to the new mode of learning and technologies involved 2. Inequalities in home learning 3. Mental health concerns In the UK, pre-recorded lectures have supplanted face-to-face teaching classes, with extra seminars, supporting classes and tutorials hosted using group meeting softwares, as well as the occasional, by choice, small group, in-person meetings on campus. Having a good recording setup makes a world of difference in terms of the clarity and satisfaction for both parties. However, for those who are unfamiliar with the required softwares and technological setup, this transition has proven to be a steep learning curve. For STEM subjects such as mathematics, which rely heavily on the use of chalk and chalkboard, or pen and paper, delivering content online has been more than laborious. Adding to that, the use of group meeting software has made receiving and answering questions, along with remembering to record live lectures / meetings to be an extra element to consider.(aggravation) The above claims are supported by data from a research conducted by the Henley Business School of University of Reading (Walker et al, 2020). In the study, 55% of teachers from Business schools around UK disagreed that online teaching and assessment has “enabled them to plan their delivery more carefully and provide a better teaching experience” ; 78% agreed that it has made it difficult to understand whether the students understand what is being taught ; and 75% agreed that it was a lot more time consuming to prepare the relevant materials to teach. Marking-wise, 40% of teachers agreed that online assessments were harder and more time consuming to mark; 50% found it more tiring to mark; and only 35% agreed that it enabled them to give better and more considered feedback. That said, another important factor that dictates the abilities and willingness of teachers to adapt and learn how to use technologies in universities depend on funding. A National Institute of Economics and Social Research (NIESR) paper published by Pf. Dolton (Dolton, 2020) states that the UK University System is facing a serious financial crisis due to the pandemic, and this problem is exacerbated by the over-reliance on overseas student fee income, on top of a declining central government investment in research. In 2018-2019, the number of overseas students studying in the UK reached nearly half a million, with the largest proportion of students coming from China, making up 24% of the total number of overseas students.(House of Commons, 2020) [4]. The total income from overseas student’s fee is a whopping £7 bn, contributing around 17.3% of total university funding. This over-reliance of overseas funding is most apparent amongst elite “Russell Group” universities, with an average of 45% of the total funding coming from overseas student’s fee. Further, universities are piling in over £3.5 bn to establish more large scale building projects in an attempt to attract even more foreign students, creating a snowballing reliance problem. With the pandemic in full swing, many overseas students chose to remotely study abroad, or worse even deferring for a year, causing prominent institutes like Cambridge to impose desperate measures to stop the bleeding. The over-anticipation, and over-eagerness of UK universities for overseas student’s fee as funding have put their heads in the lion’s mouth. Worst still, the UK Higher Education (HE) system was already enduring massive headaches about the Universities Superannuation Scheme (USS). With a shortfall of assets between £6.6 bn - £17.5 bn from the expected £68 bn, the government proposed the solution of raising individual members' contribution rate to 34.7% of salary by October 2021. This caused multiple nationwide strike actions just before the pandemic hits, dealing a massive blow to the stability of the HE system. Subsequently, the implications of a financially failing HE system is moot. The combinations of the government’s lack of interest to invest in research, the weakened economy due to the pandemic, the problems with the USS, and the over-reliance of overseas student fees create a dire situation for both teachers and students. The teachers’ willingness to do the onerous task of learning how to use the required technologies will decrease as a result, and it does not help with the fact that IT support structures in most universities are failing too, owing to the lack of funds once again. This in turn posts the potential problem of a decrease in quality and quantity of materials produced by teachers, or even the halting of publications if nationwide strikes hit again. Accompanying that, it has not been at all smooth sailing for students either. For instance, at the University of Birmingham, a first-year student complained that “the quality of some pre-recorded lectures in particular modules have been extremely poor - mp4 files with questionable sound quality and no closed captions or transcript … Moreover, the school fanned off complaints, describing background noises as “natural hazard”, all the while downplaying students' reaction as over-sensitive. That said, pre-recorded lectures in other modules are of fantastic quality, with clear delivery and structure.” The student continued, “The timetable was a mess however. With no clear guidelines from the get go, chaotic relay of messages, and messy organisation by the university at the start, students have had to create their own timetable. It has no doubt been extremely difficult to adapt and learn especially during these rocky times.” This is only one among the millions who struggle to cope with the large-scale transition from traditional teaching and learning to online learning, and teaching has shown to be especially tough for this new academic year. The problem of funding also extends to the student side. According to government statistics (House of Common, 2020), out of the 2.5 million students currently studying in HE institutes in the UK, 1.3 million of them are on student loans, with each person receiving a loan of around £13,000 on average (this includes both the tuition fee loan and the maintenance loan). With university fees for local students averaging £9250 per academic year, money is a great hurdle for the less well-off students transitioning into online learning, as the threshold of investment in technologies required to conduct necessary learning is anything but low. Without proper gadgets to cope with the technological shift, these students experience immense difficulty in accessing the educational material they had paid for and worked for, ultimately hampering their chances of getting a good grade. That said, even for more adequately funded universities, which provide a specific IT grant for under-privileged students, qualified students still have to go through a tedious application process with the risk of rejection. As such, some are forced to learn from home, as family and grants are not enough to support the student to rent outside. This poses another challenge to the student learning from home as under-privileged households often don't have the necessary tools, such as a stable internet connection, to aid the students in their study, casting a pall over the student, making them feel vulnerable and assailable. In addition to the financial issues, the inequality in home learning is another complication. As many decide to learn from home, family dynamics play a big role in the effectiveness of learning, especially for disjointed and dysfunctional families. According to research published by Bayrakdar and Guveli, (Bayrakdar and Guveli, 2020), students from a single family typically spend on average, 6% less hours on assignments than students from a normal family, coalescing to tens of hours of missed learning opportunities as well as negative psychological implications, seriously disrupting and demotivating the students. Further, being in a single family household often implies extra responsibilities as the single parent embarks on work throughout the day, especially if there exist younger siblings in the family, piling on the already difficult and stressful transition to learning from home. Correlating to the single family conundrum, according to government statistics, two-third of the identified dysfunctional families in the UK are families with a single parent, especially with no father. Unsurprisingly, to many of these children in dire straits, being able to focus on their studies and stay at university is the ultimate refuge that they desperately needed and craved. With limited financial freedom and unfortunate budget cuts, these students may be forced to return home to study, forcing them back into the void, depriving them of the most crucial thing for their development both socially and mentally. This is arguably one of the most underrated side effects of the pandemic have on student performances and thus should not be taken lightly. For your typical self-sufficient, working classed household with 1-2 children, it is not all snooze and booze. As more and more jobs are converted to comply with work from home policies and adopt flexi-hours, parents remain home-stricken with their kids. This implies that work-stress and academic-stress are being introduced into the household, increasing the possibilities of frictions and arguments, discombobulating the supposed-to-be harmonious dynamics of a loving family. Ultimately, all the aforementioned issues contribute to the much-discussed subject of mental health. For teachers, the rapid shift from tradition-style teaching to online teaching is an arduous one. The high exceptions of universities and students for teachers to instantaneously adapt and deliver the same, if not better quality materials has led them down the slippery slope to emotional ruin. For one, learning the required technologies to smoothly record and deliver contents at the same time with minimum mistakes, is in itself a monumental task, especially for more senior teachers. This results in these teachers feeling the need to put in more and more hours to figure out the details and functionalities of the tools at hand. Coupling with that, professors would have to spend more hours of their weekends preparing materials for the coming week, reviewing and answering questions on the module forum, and marking students’ assignments. This reduces their personal time and leisure time to a bare minimum, ruining their emotional stability and ramping up their stress. Furthermore, having less personal time also has a great deal of effects on family life, as less time spent with their partner and kids creates distance between them, causing less communications to be passed around. This means that more stress is accumulated amongst the parents and kids with nowhere to relieve them, resulting in sudden and impulsive episodes of frictions, tantrums and arguments, unsettling the complicated fabrics of family relations. As such, the teachers’ motivations will be reduced to an all time low, which often means the burial of oneself into work, entering the vicious cycle again and again. Worse still, confinement is another crucial factor contributing to the demotivation of teachers. With them being forced to work from home and barred from travelling, the stress buildup is through the roof, and the imaginary slippery slope is not enough to keep them entertained. To that end, issues faced by the students are nigh on identical to that faced by the teachers. The downward spiral of having too much work, information, and stress, resulting in too little rest, exercises, and interactions are the same. However, it is not all doom and gloom, and the pending downfall of Higher Education is not as all negative as we thought after all. As the uncertainty clears, with teachers and students settling in, significant benefits have begun to crop up. According to a study by Gonzalez. (Gonzalez et all, 2020) on the influence of confinement during the pandemic on students’ performance in higher education, it was shown that confinement has a hugely positive effect on student performances. Researchers employed a field experiment using a CAT model [18] with 458 students from three different subjects at Universidad Autónoma de Madrid in Spain, and studied the differences in assessments by dividing the students into two groups. Group 1 was the control of the experiment, corresponding to students of the 2017-2018, 2018-2019 academic year; Group 2 was the experimental group, corresponding to students of the 2019-2020 academic year. Through the use of an adaptive statistical model, Gonzalez’s team has shown that there were statistically different mean scores between the 3 academic years in the subject “Applied computing”. Differences between the mean score from the 2019-2020 experimental group, and both the other two years, the control groups, were: 4.5±1.6 in experimental group, vs. 3.9±1.5 in 2017-2018, and 3.9±1.5 in 2018-2019, meaning a 15% increase between the experimental group and the control groups. More importantly, in the period between the beginning of confinement and March 30, there were statistically significant differences between the mean of the present course 2019-2020 and the previous two years, 6.3±1.6 in experimental group, vs. 5.6±1.8 in 2017/2018, and vs. 5.2±2.1 in 2018/2019, meaning a 17% increase. So we see a clear increase in mean score for both periods (before and after confinement), as well as an increase in mean scores after the confinement. For the subject “metabolism”, which is a subject with no additional tasks imposed to students due to confinement, Gonzalez’s team analysed students that passed the actives (scored ≥ 5 out of 10). After the end of in-person teaching, there is a considerable increase in students’ score especially in activities 10 and 11, both of which have always been online activities. In activity 10, the mean score in the present year 2019-2020 was 8.1±0.2 vs. 6.5±0.2 and vs. 6.7±0.3 in 2017-2018 and 2018-2019, respectively. Similarly, in activity 11, the mean score of the experimental group was 7.8±0.2 vs. 6.8±0.2 and 6.1±0.3 in 2017–2018 and 2018/2019, respectively. It was concluded that confinement had a significant positive effect on students’ performances both in subjects that increased the number of assessment activities and subjects that did not change the student workload. An additional analysis on students’ learning strategies had shown that students tend to study sporadically before the confinement, and far more continuous and autonomous post confinement. This results in the increase in students’ efficiency in learning, thereby improving their average test scores. To test the results from Gonzalez’s research, I consulted five students studying three different subjects at three different institutes in the UK, and the results corroborate with Gonzalez’s up to the rigour in the method of testing. Student A, studying at the University of Warwick explained that the combination of confinement and online learning has significantly benefited the student’s efficiency in absorbing the materials, organising time, and preparing materials for the next week. The student stated that “I can choose freely which day of the week to study which module(s), and at what speed the recorded lectures are played at. This really helps with notes organisation and time management. This means not only do I have more time to complete the large quantity of assignments every week, but also makes studying the difficult materials more enjoyable.” Student B, studying music at the University of Oxford stated that “Many of the planned rehearsals have been cancelled or postponed, thus allowing for a more balanced workload and more time to practise. Whilst this may not be beneficial for orchestral playing , this has allowed me to better hone difficult techniques as a solo player and delve deeper into topics of music that I find more interesting.” Student C, studying chemistry at the University of Southampton “Though I prefer the traditional in-person teaching style, it is not to say that online teaching doesn’t have its perks. Noticeably, the reduced amount of labour intensive lab-work has greatly balanced my workload, allowing for a more relaxed pace of studying, hence a better learning environment. Adding to that, having everything moved from being in-person to online, tutors and lecturers are willing to interact with students more than ever, which makes asking questions a lot less stressful.” Student D, studying biomedical engineering at the University of Loughborough said, “Not everything at Loughborough is online, there are still to some extent in-person lectures and lab-work. Therefore, I get to experience both styles of teaching at the same time. Personally, I think the main advantage of having pre-recorded lectures is that I get to choose when to watch and study the lecture, which makes time management a lot easier. However, procrastination has become more of a problem, as sometimes you just don’t want to be in front of the computer, watching consecutive hour-long lectures.” Therefore, it is still difficult to say if online learning brings more good than harm to the current education environment, but one thing is for sure, that this hardship has imbued a great deal of resilience and determination into the backbone of the poorly perceived gen-Z. So, let us grieve the less and strife the more, and treat this not as a sufferance but a challenge faced by all. References : [1] Dysfunctional family https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2113026/Its-official-majority-Britains-dysfunctional-families-dad-home.html [2] Working from home makes workers more production https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/new-study-reveals-why-working-from-home-makes-workers-more-productive.html [3] Families and households in the UK : 2019 https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/bulletins/familiesandhouseholds/2019 [4] COVID-19 has exacerbated inequality in higher education https://www.universityworldnews.com/post.php?story=20201023103200335 [5] Student loan statistics https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/sn01079/ [6] Higher Education Student Statistics: UK, 2018/19 - Student numbers and characteristics https://www.hesa.ac.uk/news/16-01-2020/sb255-higher-education-student-statistics/numbers [7] Student Living Index https://personal.natwest.com/personal/life-moments/students-and-graduates/student-living-index.html [8] The COVID-19 pandemic has changed education forever. This is how https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2020/04/coronavirus-education-global-covid19-online-digital-learning/ [9] Toquero, C.M., 2020. Challenges and Opportunities for Higher Education Amid the COVID-19 Pandemic: The Philippine Context. Pedagogical Research, 5(4). [10] Bayrakdar, S. and Guveli, A., 2020. Inequalities in home learning and schools’ provision of distance teaching during school closure of COVID-19 lockdown in the UK. [11] Sintema, E.J., 2020. Effect of COVID-19 on the performance of grade 12 students: Implications for STEM education. Eurasia Journal of Mathematics, Science and Technology Education, 16(7), p.em1851. [12] Walker, J.T., Fontinha, R., Haak-Saheem, W. and Brewster, C., 2020. The Effects of the COVID-19 Lockdown on Teaching and Engagement in UK Business Schools. Available at SSRN 3717423. [13] Dolton, P., 2020. The Economics of the UK University System in the Time of COVID-19. London: National Institute of Economic and Social Research. [14] Son, C., Hegde, S., Smith, A., Wang, X. and Sasangohar, F., 2020. Effects of COVID-19 on college students’ mental health in the United States: Interview survey study. Journal of medical internet research, 22(9), p.e21279. [15] Gonzalez, T., De La Rubia, M.A., Hincz, K.P., Comas-Lopez, M., Subirats, L., Fort, S. and Sacha, G.M., 2020. Influence of COVID-19 confinement on students’ performance in higher education. PloS one, 15(10), p.e0239490. [16] Gallego, T.G., de la Rubia, M., Hincz, K., Lopez, M.C., Subirats, L., Fort, S. and Moñivas, S.G., Influence of COVID-19 confinement in students’ performance in higher education. [17] Kapasia, N., Paul, P., Roy, A., Saha, J., Zaveri, A., Mallick, R., Barman, B., Das, P. and Chouhan, P., 2020. Impact of lockdown on learning status of undergraduate and postgraduate students during COVID-19 pandemic in West Bengal, India. Children and Youth Services Review, 116, p.105194.
From: English Long Forms
記憶中的蝴蝶
夜蟲梟梟，柳枝垂垂，我趁著夏蟬磲蛙還未醒來，遊蕩黎明前的街巷。在遠處看到一團火光，是老耋婦人在燒甚麼？欲走近看看，發現火已經中斷，婦人亦不復見影，留下火舌塵灰，緩緩升往穹蒼，繚繚發亮。 遊踱於了無人湮的街道，數著無數帷幕深鎖的店舖，我聽著鐵捲簾下牆灰的故事， 鐵捲簾上塗鴉的苦難，敲著要告訴幕簾後面的人，它們的記憶有誰來聽？ 抬頭細聽，鶯然發覺唐樓上的盆哉也訴說著門窗緊閉後面的鬱澀委蛇，他們用俳句的方式，詩歌的玄學，佛宗的心經說著，我聽到老王的妻兒去世了；老陳的左耳聽不見了；包租婆的貓⋯⋯ 我想著他們的故事，記著門後的辛酸，寫著舊城的雜憶，慢慢來到這爿久別的茶座。 門牌下那破舊的臺，爛掉的凳依然在這裏，言而，那說好的三去一，也只去剩誰？不太熟識的伙記給我一壺普洱，也及我不太順耳的問侯，一時三刻不知如何是好。幸好，那蒸爐還在，伙記把新鮮的點心放進去，在對家的蒸籠內熱起來。漸漸地，把外頭的沉寂變得火熱，吧微涼的風轉化為霧水，一絲一節的纏瀠在蘚藻上，聚成珠，落成畫。 廚房傳來軋軋的聲響，是腸粉的歡呼! 蝦米、叉燒、牛肉、齋腸一同叫鳴慶賀。叫旭日也不著探頭，把黑沉的街角換上金輝，把後巷的哆嗦掃去。被樹枝紮醒的夏蟬豪哭大叫，鵲鳩隨意附和，鷹㷳也鳴動八極，為莊嚴的夜添上歡愉，也許貝多芬是看到如許景緻寫出第六交響曲。 隔璧的的士司機亦聞風而至，他叫隻糯米雞，她叫籠叉燒包，做得伙記汗聚成流。我低頭看看錶上的圖騰，驚覺良久已過，是學生上課時候，該趕緊喝過普洱回校去。原來回校探師比上學緊張得很。 沿著薄扶林道攀爬，超越郵差先生的腳步； 踏過李昇小學的橙牆； 跳過馬路上一行一行的熔岩； 斬過路旁纏繞的樹藤，終於來到般含道六十九號。 記憶中的母校沒有眼前潔淨，灰白的外牆是否塗上新一層胭脂？左右的樹木也似乎豐厚起來？我記憶中的母校有否變了？推開沉實的玻璃門，迎來的是毫不客氣的門衛，要求我到訪的原委，登記身份證，出入時間，母校何時變得如許莊嚴不可侵犯？緊張的氣紛下，我四處張看，努力重組我記憶中的所有。身邊擦過一位又一位的學客，是熟識的景像。身上穿著食物染污了的白色襯衣，皺摺而長短不一的領呔，黑中帶點灰咎的皮鞋。 不知是記憶中的母校還在，還是在緊張的皮裹下勾起回憶。 經過門衛的一番析毫探視，我終於回到母校的戎土。第一時間轉右往梯間，決意打開潘朵拉之門，繼續沉找記憶中的母校去。踏上由碎沙爛石壓成的樓梯，摸著黑澄滑光的扶手向上走，卻發覺步履重了或多。是沉重的責任，還是固有的緊湊？ 我一邊碎念著訴求，一邊聽著掛牆上的畫作的㖿笑，無論是在此多年的油畫，或是新掛起的後現代作品。 終於，我浮游到七樓走廊。向下俯瞰，操長上依然一片聒噪囉嗦，還未是時侯上課嗎？記憶中的母校也是如許嘈吵嗎？ 我轉看身後美術室內，嘗試問問那鐵線翹成的人像能否幫我記起雜憶，你身上這麼多鐵圈，總有一圈能告解我吧。他沒有回應。那麼旁邊的假花，身後的模型，斜後方的剪紙，你們也不記得嗎？又是一片靜默。那個年頭我坐在左方，雕著印章，閑著談著又一節課，這些種種你們記得嗎？ 沒有得到回應的我拂袖而去，不甘心的走往角落的音樂室。不該開趟的門半掩著，洩漏內裏的乾坤，這是誰惡作劇？是角落那群被忘記的大提琴作的好事？還是散滿班房的椅桌不弗悶奈，淘氣的搗蛋？我探頭窺視。原來是音樂老師在備課，今天說的是和弦行進嗎？老師一紐一按的努力調校著螢幕，隔壁的鐵線人像，你要過來幫手嗎？見老師如許專注，我也不作打擾罷。 突然，一道驚天地泣鬼神，的鈴鍾響起，清洪地喝停球場上的喧鬧，連場邊的茴草也收斂起來，讓夏蟬的滄桑再次瀠繞一切。我趁著學仔上課之際，四處通竄，尋找記憶中的母校。 五樓的相冊還在，那些絡黃的照片，記錄老一輩師兄的玩樂，遊英音樂會的歡騰，時華荏苒的笑話，但都不是我的記憶。我小心翼翼地把這些記憶碎片放回捲起的窗簾內，靜待下一位探險家在旭日未幾的時辰再翻新閱。仃行到隔岸的禮堂，凝視窗外粼粼輝光，在空無一人的木板上跳著動人心謚的爵士舞，翻閱時間的詩歌，頌念木紋的年輪。 記憶中的禮堂是如許華貴的嗎？ 通往禮堂另一邊的梯間，發現梯臺依然堆滿落莫的舊桌椅，凌亂地尋找著自己的位置，留下木紋間被遺下的可惜。被可惜感染的我，滾下梯級，來到了小賣部。櫃臺後面的身影我恕不認識，不知到這位小姐販賣的是否也是那碗碗仔翅呢？陌生的醬料配上淨白的腸粉是否再能塗畫出綠肥紅瘦，紫黃藍屐？記憶中的母校虛幻似畫。 剛不夠兩步，樓梯兩旁突然人頭湧湧，像海嘯潮濤把我充去。原來是中午放飯時後。為甚麼我沒在聽到鈴聲？難度那是記憶中的斷層？按耐不住的情緒，隔座的好朋知己，樓上的課，樓下的西瓜波，一次過，毫無保留地瀉漉出來。在正午烈陽氤氲下，搭著雙肩，綁著荷包，一同出外覓食，或工作，或偷懶。 為了避開人群，我乘著樹梢的尖端，獵騎白鷺，迎風飛越人群，想去探訪那些曾教導我的老師談生隨眾相。卻令人意想不到的是，原來他她怹已退休， 他她怹已離開， 他她怹已結婚，頓覺記憶中的母校恁地荒涼。 娓娓道來，教英文的余老師問我外地生活習關否？教音樂的王老師問我還有唱誦歌賦嗎？教中史的許太問我考試有記得早些休息嗎？教視藝科的袁老師問我還喜歡素描雕章嗎？我又忍不住反問，退休後的伍老師、何老師、郭太還好嗎？那麼未有空的陳老師、黃老師、石老師又何如？談話裏，淡笑間，我們不也討恨時間之神高諾斯把美好的時光都帶走，發覺我們所說的甚麼白驅過隙，時光荏苒，剎那芳華，只不過是對往昔舊日的欷歔而已？ 說著說著，時間再次偷走，老師們又得去授課。教下一輩改變世界的策略，還是人生命理；去讚賞誰的遠見志氣盛，評理誰的作文不夠流暢通順。午飯時間即將作結，離開的朋黨二人三足，三頭六屐回到課室，準備上課。球場上的西瓜波被富哥沒收去，籃球被老師帶走，學生會的販賣亦趨之完結。還未說完的奇聞趣事，誰跟誰跟誰有著曖昧的話題，留待稍後再說吧。 在人群漸漸散去之際，正午的太陽猛烈地討人聊天。地上的水分，樹上的水儲也要出來聲討著，后羿的把戲讓髮絲也糊著，空著的罐卻也不能撈點霧水喝喝？我不敵暑熱的天氣，躲在王明謙身後的小堂，記憶中的母校有這樣熱過嗎？ 這樣暑熱的天氣，可真想到外面那水池朝浪戲水，誦一首杜甫：「永日不可暮，炎蒸毒我腸。」或丘為的「赫赫溫風扇，炎炎夏日徂。」在小堂的涼風下，我隨手拿起一份樂譜，就坐著看。把炎熱的嘈喒除去，把囉嗦的夏蟬蔽去，留下只有我和貝多芬的交度。 良久以後，我把頭探出窗外，似乎聽到隱約傳來的鍾聲，是第四樂章內的音節？是巴哈的笑聲？原來都不是，是學生放學的消息。心急如焚的學生們要繼續那些話題(隔班的朋友快些出來!)；要趕緊前往補習班；要參加這些那些課餘活動；要…他們甚麼都想要去做。 趁著這群琉蠅亂舞，我潛進了我舊時的課室，懷緬過去。這我曾經坐過的位置是否被移動過？我刻上去的髒話跟圖騰都不在這裏了？那麼我收埋角落的祕密是否也被揭盅？記得又遺忘的瑣事，才是記憶中的母校？黑板上填密今天要做的事，要交的公課，還有最後一節課的精華，你們有好好記低嗎？神奇的班長，明天也要辛苦你了。 這時粗野的校工拿著濕布掃把進來，要細心地清結好課室的一團糟，把黑板上的數字洗滌乾淨；把地上的邋遢處理掉；把百葉簾捲起來，全心全意準備明天的污韝再來。我趕緊挪動我的背包離去，不阻礙校工課後的娛樂。我穿梭人煙漸退的廊巷，輾轉地又回到球場旁的黃藍椅子，觀看著足球隊的訓練。 小伙子把小息踢西瓜波的老實，一蹴一踘的渾落黑白相依的足球上，滾著，滾著，都滾出知慧來，也許這就是我整日奔波尋找的深奧。 看著凝著，我的記憶，母校的記憶都滾在足球場上畫出一個圈，或被大腳踢到林莽之中，拉一條線。蕩來又飄去，把我的神經沒端和花葉的冠連扣，又在蟲子的嘴嚼下溶掉。我在母校的足跡盡管仿如微塵，輕散四周，但我記憶中的母校又如許實在。我尋找的記憶不是記憶，而是忘記的意義，昇華的開端。 這樣虛幻的意象把阿波羅悶掉去，他連太陽也收回去，去更遠更好的地方再覓腸粉。 夕陽西下，鴉鳴鵲歸巢，球場上的刺熱也冷靜下來。被遺下的一堆螢光衣，反照暮影落霞。在暗漸的角落，輻射著微黃輝絲，曳在微風的苦笑中粼粼閃閃。 打散、重組，再聚成圖。 我沿著走過來的路，踏遍新修建的操場，走往舊相好的小賣部， 靦腆在呼吸裏的赤子，懷念在新相好的紅腸中。一踱一舞地，走上碎石成荼的梯間，佇停，換上破舊的白飯魚繼續往上。又換上糟葬的白襯衣，灰藍色的長褲，長短不一的領呔，再次上揚。走過空蕩的禮堂，沒時間討會四方帽罷。轉右。 在正門的木柱之間我終化成蝶，和南柯，和周莊一同翩翩起舞，我跳爵士，你跳拉丁。正當高呼喜慶之際，金屬做的門把拉我會現實，凍周那赤熱的心，豪取我腳上的白飯魚，巧奪我糟爛的白襯衣。蝴蝶拍拍我肩側說句「後會有期!」就把我推下斜坡，千尋尋不回隧道那邊的大樓。我回到眼前，瞠著人去樓空的校所，剛說新塗上的牆也蒼老下來，旁壁的樹灌也提不起神來。就連泛黃的街燈，讓往的街巷亦默不作聲，校鰴上的訓示我有聽嗎？ 站在燈火闌珊處，我聽到誰在低吟「命裏有時終須有，命裏無時莫強求。」或許真的，記憶忘了是無可奈何的事，而一切亦如佛禪所道。「眾生一切必有限期，必如燈滅，亦如夢幻泡影，如露又似電。」那美麗的臉、殘臥的手、黏糊的記憶；離開了的老師，逃走了的時間會如菡芸消散。但那心底內的赤子、白飯魚的夢、必會在藍魂之中蕩存。 亂世之下，浮光劣影，記得尋找那永存不滅的心。
From: 散文集 / Chinese Long Forms
<中秋>
涼陰翩翩銀褸衣，姮娥竊世獨西辭。 超天射日空餘彀，渺渺華輝始留疑。
From: 意蘭集 / Chinese Poetry